


The Real Fighters of Super Smash Bros.

by tman2003



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2020-05-18 13:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19335562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tman2003/pseuds/tman2003
Summary: They’ve been in the mansion for half a year now, and now the Miis are ready to make a reality show featuring them! Ladies and gentlemen, the scoop on the richest and most famous video game characters in history!!!





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you sure this will take off?”  
“I’m sure of it.”  
*Click*whirrr*Beep*  
The camera started working, and began to record.  
“All set!”  
“Alright. Here’s our new show. This is The Real Fighters of Super Smash Bros. I’m your host, CrashGuy01, the Mii Brawler from the nearby apartment.”  
“I’m ghastly7, the Mii Swordfighter.”  
“I’m Killered500, the Mii Gunner.”  
“With 70+ characters, there’s bound to be drama!”  
“Let’s introduce them to you, our lovely audience. ROLL INTRO!”  
Mario Mario/Dr. Mario  
Donkey Kong III  
Link Link, of Hero of the Wilds, Hero of Twilight, Child Hero of Time, and Hero of Winds incarnations  
Samus Aran/Zero Suit Samus  
Dark Samus  
Yoshi  
Kirby  
Fox McCloud  
Pikachu  
Luigi Mario  
Ness Montague  
Captain Douglas Jay Falcon  
Jigglypuff  
Princess Peach Toadstool  
Princess Daisy  
King Bowser Koopa  
Popo and Nana, the Ice Climbers  
Princess Zelda of Hyrule/Sheik  
Falco Lombardi  
Marth Lowell  
Lucina Lowell  
Ganondorf Dragmire  
Mewtwo  
Roy  
Chrom Lowell  
Endless Mr. Game & Watches  
Meta Knight  
Pit  
Dark Pit  
Wario  
David “Solid Snake”  
Ike Gawain  
Pokémon Trainer Red and Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard.  
Diddy Kong  
Lucas  
Sonic Maurice the Hedgehog  
King Dedede  
Captain Olimar  
Alph  
Lucario  
Robotic Operating Buddy AKA R.O.B.  
Wolf O’Donell  
Villager  
Rock “Mega Man”  
Male and Female Wii Fit Trainers  
Princess Rosalina and her Lumas  
Paul “Little Mac” Malignaggi  
Greninja  
Palutena, Goddess of Light  
Mr. PAC-MAN  
Female Robin (AKA Reflet) and Male Robin  
Shulk  
Prince Bowser Koopa Jr.  
Larry Koopa  
Lemmy Koopa  
Wendy O. Koopa  
Ludwig von Koopa  
Roy Koopa  
Morton Koopa Jr.  
Iggy Koopa  
Duck Hunt Duo  
Ryu  
Ken Masters  
Cloud Strife  
Female Corrin Hoshido (AKA Kamui) and Male Corrin Hoshido  
Cereza “Bayonetta”  
Eight different Inklings  
Ridley  
Simon Belmont  
Richter Belmont  
King Krusha K. Rool  
Isabelle  
Incineroar  
Eight Piranha Plants  
Ren “Joker” Amamiya  
Four Heroes of titles Luminary/Erdwin, Erdrick, Solo, and Eight  
Banjo the Honey Bear and Kazooie the Bird  
“They’ve been here half a year now, and now they tell all!”  
“whew what a long intro.”  
“What do you expect from Everyone is Here?”


	2. Beer Nuts (Wario and a Villager and 50 Mr. Game and Watches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that there are also 8 villagers, and 2 R.O.B.s. (NES and Famicom skin). Also, see chapter 1 for important info

The Mii hosts went to the Olympic size pool on campus to see who’s hanging out there.  
“For our first episode, we will be seeing what’s going on at the pool.”  
“Um, department of redundancy department, much?”  
“No! Not TVTropes! The reader will end up googling that trope and never finishing this chapter!”  
“And that’s Meta Humor.”  
“STOP!!!”  
When they arrived at the pool, they saw Wario surrounded by 50 Mr. Game & Watches on inflatable lounge chairs floating in the water. Wario was drinking beer and eating nuts, and it appeared the 2D men were doing the same, albeit everything they had was their color and flat.  
“Um... not the drama I was hoping for. Just eating nuts, drinking beer, and lounging around.”  
“I’m just kind of a lazy jerk, you know,” explained Wario.  
The flatmen beeped in unison.  
Then a villager showed up.  
“According to my Non English Speaking Fighter Translator app on my NookPhone, they are saying ‘We enjoy the simple life.’”  
The Miis were shocked.  
“Wait. You villagers have smart phones?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Next time you go to Smashville, tell tom nook to order some for all of us. Or at least, all of the 3D fighters and a finite number for the Mr. Game & Watches. I’m pretty sure they’re everywhere, and will not stop showing up.”  
“OK<3.”  
“Thanks. Now where’s the real juicy stuff.”  
The Mr. Game & Watches blipped.  
“Not where we spawn.”


	3. Romance (Joker, Bayonetta, Waluigi, and a reference to Dr Wright.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes romance! Between the two most romantic characters in the game.

The Miis entered the dining hall and caught a glimpse of Joker.  
“...”  
And he ran off. The Miis followed him into his room, where he had high school textbooks, facial wear, and pinups of Bayonetta.  
“Go.”  
“B-but... wait... you have a crush on that Umbra Witch?”  
“.......”  
He sat at his desk and began writing a love letter.

_Dear Bayonetta,_

_You brighten the night as much as the moon._

_You are my shining beauty among the stars._

_You are a lovely, lovely witch._

_Let me be with you_

_Forever._

_Love, Love, Love,_

_Ren_

”Hey, we saw that letter. Can we catch it on camera?”

”...I said GO!!”

The teen whipped out his knife and threatened the Miis.

”Wii better go. Bye now!”

They ran around the vast mansion, but couldn’t find Bayonetta to tell her. So they checked in with the Desk Clerk.

”Desk Clerk Waluigi, have you seen Bayo? We haven’t seen her anywhere.”

”Hmmm... let’s see..... Waaa.”

”Is that Waaa in the confirmative or denial sense?”

”Confirmative. She’s in the spa, as usual.”

”How could we have missed that???”

”Waaa dunno.”

So they went to the spa.

”Bayonetta, did you know you have a lover?”

”Not surprising, given my natural beauty.”

”Joker. He wrote you a love letter. The mailman Dr. Wright should have it sent any time now.”

”Oh... Bye Peach. Bye Rosalina. Bye Daisy. Bye female Fire Emblem characters. Bye Mr. Game & Watches that I think will be in every chapter.”

*Blip*

“I need to see the letter.”

”What drama! This is what I’m talking about!”

She read the letter. Aloud for the camera to pick up.

“Wow... if only he wasn’t busy right now fighting King Dedede.”

”He’ll be back eventually. This is his big day - a battle marathon. Speaking of which, this witch has a fight with him coming up. See ya, beauties!”

”Well. Quite a first episode. As soon as we left the disappointment that was the pool, we immediately got romance. Between the two loveliest characters in the game, no less. See you guys in the next episode. Roll credits!”


	4. Competence from health problems (Banjo-Kazooie, Marth, Isabelle, and Mario as a doc)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Banjo’s side smash seems a little iffy for the poor bird, right? Oh, just you wait and see.

The Miis set up camp in the training stage, a pocket dimension inside the mansion where characters practice combos. They were filming Banjo-Kazooie, who were rehearsing for the big day in the fall when they can legally smash. Isabelle, Mario, and Marth were the duo’s practice audience.

Then, they saw it. Banjo pulled out his side smash and used the parrot as a hammer.

“Um, Banjo, that probably hurt the poor bird,” interjected Isabelle.

“Do it again, Banjo. It feels so good,” Kazooie whispered in a slightly creepy manner.

Everyone, including the bear, stared at Kazooie like one of those Thomas “Tom” Cat memes these days.

“Um, Kazooie, are you okay?” questioned Marth.

“This sounds like a job for Dr. Mario!” Mario entered the bathroom and came back as his doctor alter ego.

“Kazooie, what’s in the seeds your eating? Lay me an egg sample so I can check.”

She laid a single egg out of the 200 shells in her body. And the results were stunning.

“Hemlock, eh?”

Everyone except the doctor plumber gasped. “HEMLOCK?!?!”

“Calm down everyone. We may be two humans and a dog, which are mammals, but Kazooie is an entirely different class of chordate. Mammals are physically quite frail to diseases like Salmonella and poisons like hemlock, especially, but most other chordates carry salmonella just fine and hemlock is just going to give her a tiny tummy bug. So I suggest spending a day on the toilet, and when you’re done, eat these sesame seeds I have for you.”

“Thanks doctor.”

It was painful, but she made it through. However, she knew that it was all in her head and she really liked being slammed in the ground.

They all came back the next day to more training, after the Heroes finished theirs.

“Banjo, slam me in the ground again...” Kazooie whispered.

“Ok. I guess I have to do another checkup,” Dr. Mario sighed.

An hour later...

“I diagnose Kazooie with dementia! Time for a megavitamin!”

“Wait,” Marth interrupted, “I’m a tactition, and I know that a fighter just isn’t a fighter without their fsmash. So don’t cure it, let her be her.”

“Hmmm... I guess you’re-a right. Okay Kazooie, it is-a time-a to train!”

So they did. The Miis have both training sessions on tape (but not Kazooie in the bathroom, obviously.)


	5. Everybody walk the dinosaur (Charizard, Pokémon Trainer, and Yoshi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoshi just really likes Charizard.

The Miis entered Pokémon Trainer Red’s room and asked a few questions.

“So, if your Pokémon wanted to have relationships, would you let them be out more?”

“I’d say so.”

Just then, Yoshi rushed into the room.

“Yoshi Yoshi! Yoshiii, yoshi yoshi!”

One of the Miis was puzzled. “Um, let me check my translator app on my phone.”

“There’s a dance going on! I really want Charizard to be my partner! I really really like him!”

“You heard the dino,” said Red. “Go, Charizard!”

“Zard!”

So they ran off and began to dance. It was a waltz, and the Miis were filming, as usual.

“Yoshi Yoshi!”

“Char!”

This incomprehensible conversation continued for several minutes; I’ll spare you the details.

When it ended, the Dino and the dragon went to bed together, and locked out the Miis before they could come in.

The next morning, they did everything together. You should’ve seen it. It was adorable. And they continued to be cute together for a very long time.


	6. Family Feud! (Cpt. Falcon, Chrom, F Robin, Lucina, Bowser, Peach, Bowser Jr.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back y'all with an extra-long, original chapter! The cap'n is hosting a game show featuring the two families of the mansion!

"It's time for Smash Family Feud! And here he is, our host, Doouuglaaaas Faalcon!" The announcer was brimming with glee.

"Alright, alright, alright. I have here the two families of the mansion. The Koopa family, with Bowser,"  
"Gruh-huh-huh! We'll crush those stuffy nitwits!"  
"Jr."  
"Ehehehe! We'll win this, right papa?"  
"Yeah!"  
"And Peach,"  
"Oh no, how did I get dragged into this?"  
"Who cares? Just make Jr. proud, OK?"

"And the royal Lowell family of Ylisse, with Chrom,"  
"It is an honor."  
"Reflet,"  
"I'm the genius, I got this!"  
"And Lucina."  
Lucina proceeded to hug her parents.

"Alright. We asked 100 Mr. Game & Watches, with translation help from a villager, to name a yellow fruit. Alright, Bowser, Chrom, please step up. Now, SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!"

Bowser buzzed in first, and proceeded to shout, Orange, for whatever reason.  
X!  
"Alright, Jr., what do you think?"  
"Watermelon!"  
"Wow, these people are dumb. Peach?"  
"Nectarine!"  
"Alright. That's three wrong answers. Chrom for the steal?"  
"Um, lemon. It's that easy."  
"We have a winner! Now, fill in the blank. Roy is/does/has..."  
"Has a messed up past."  
"That's it! Now, your family wins... a dancing Wario!"  
Womp-womp-waa.


	7. Tension (Bayo and Joker, Snake off screen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There may be something fishy about this romance...

Bayonetta was not feeling quite right, dating Joker. Something felt, off.  
Joker felt the same way.

"What is it, Bayo?" inquired a Mii.

"Oh, idk, I feel like I've seen him before, and that it's not right to date him..."

Joker nodded stressfully.

"Oh well, I have no memories, I should probably keep drinking this cappuccino you bought me..."

Joker continued to drink, too.

This lasted for quite a while, until eventually, some shuffling was heard in the air vent. Snake was right above them.

"Psst. You're his mom, Bayonetta! Quit this act! I just caught wind of this from Otacon."

Everyone looked at each other blankly for several minutes of awkward silence. It felt, just, _wrong_.

Bayonetta looked at her son. "Well, you are my child, and I do love you. But I'm afraid this was a sick joke on a lady with memory loss. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore." She walked out and invited Joker. "Then again, this mommy stuff is unfamiliar to me, but I still know this is wrong. This isn't Alabama, this is Smashville. Sweetie, let me drive you home. You are forgiven, if you clean your room."

Joker nodded with a smile, and the two drove home with the Miis and an all-too-familiar box in tow.


	8. Wait, but... (Bayo and Joker, again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They realize they were being a bit OOC

That night in the mansion, Joker was confused. He was a very lustful character! Why had he been written that way last time? He went to talk to the Author.

Bayonetta was feeling the same way. She jumped out of the 4th wall and right into the Author's house.

The Miis somehow managed to follow them.

Knock, knock.

I answered the door. My dogs started barking.

"Woah! Characters from my favorite video game! What are you doing here, gun-goths?"

"Well, we have to have a word with you. Coffee or tea?" answered Bayo.

"Tea, please. Green, with one lump."

We sat on the couch in the living room. My dogs started sniffing and licking the strangers. One chased away Morgana, but then Joker summoned a Persona for a couple seconds to scare her away from the cat.

"I hope that cat doesn't shed. My grandfather is highly allergic, and he visits frequently," I said, worriedly.

"Oh, no need to get upset," responded Bayo. "We're just here to discuss why you made us, the most lustful characters in the game, settle our relationship so conservatively?"

"Oh, I don't know. I was worried my mom would find out I wrote about forbidden love, and she's a republican."

"Well, there's no need to worry. You can write us as shocking as you want, as long as it doesn't go above the age rating for your fic."

"Good point. So, alacadabra abrakazoom, presto! Retconned away. Once you go back home, you'll forget this and the last chapter, and can get to your love time."

Joker nodded and smiled. Then, I opened a portal and let them go back home.

I just know they're now so happy together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of self-talk into writing better! And no, I'm not schizophrenic IRL.


	9. Cartoon Panic (Wolf, Pit, and Terry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wolf is forced to watch a cartoon.

"**** no," exclaimed Wolf.  
"Come on, it'll be fun!" encouraged Pit. "Adventure Time is awesome!"  
"Not gonna do it."  
"But Wolf..."  
Just then, Terry showed up. "Hey, c'mon, c'mon!" He shoved the canine b-hole into Pit's room. The television was on, tuned in to CN.  
"What the **** is this..." Wolf seemed, interested.  
Pit has entered the chat.  
Terry has entered the chat.  
Bowser Jr.: How'd the practical joke go?  
Pit: Pretty good.  
Terry: Yeah, We got him glued to the screen.  
Ness: Okay.  
Mega Man: Nice! What does he think of it?  
Pit: He seems very... interested...  
Wolf has entered the chat.  
Wolf: Are you kidding me? Any show with someone like Marceline is awesome in my book!  
Terry: Wow, that sure changed fast!  
F!Robin: You could say that again.  
Wolf: Now, Finn! Pull that sword! You can do it!  
Pit: So whose idea was it for this show in particular.  
Marth: My money's on Link.  
Link: Hey, I can't talk, but I can write, and that is my favorite all time tv show!  
Samus: Figured as such.


	10. Rosalina is lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosalina, well, is lonely

Rosalina closed her book. She looked like she could use a pick-me-up.

“Yawn... I need someone to save me. Save me from my boredom and loneliness.” She kissed her Luma children one-by-one, tucked them in, and fell asleep for the night.

In her dreams, she dreamt of being with the other goddess in the mansion, Palutena. Sharing star bits, playing with the Lumas, and having family game nights. But she wasn’t sure how to approach her in the real world when she woke up.

Palutena was up late that night partying, as usual. She fell asleep until noon, and dreamt the same dream as Rosalina. While she was sleeping, Rosalina peered into her room and used her wand to scry her dream. Sure enough, it was meant to be.

That afternoon, Rosalina asked her crush on a date. “Yeah! I’m down for that!” Palutena replied with a giggle.

They went to see a movie. Pitch Perfect was the title. They laughed all through it, and went home.

Rosalina confessed her love for Palutena, and Palutena simply giggled.

It was wonderful.


	11. Talent show (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fighters are having a talent show! What could possibly go wrong?

Mario readied his one-man-band outfit. “This is-a gonna be great!” he said.

“Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo!” DK replied. “No one raps like yours truly!”

Link looked, interesting practicing for his “how much stuff can I take out of my satchel at once” act. He said not a word while doing it.

Samus shot an apple off poor desk clerk Waluigi’s head. “It’s just us N64 characters today, right?”

The Yoshis were singing in a choir backstage, practicing as well.

Kirby was miles away, sucking up his own room for his magic act.

Fox was flying a drone, and struggling to get it through an obstacle course.

Pikachu was powering circuits. No one quite knew why.

Luigi got out his DJ board that was actually a modded obsolete Poltergust, and practiced his EDM skills.

Ness was making PK fireworks outside, Captain Falcon was driving an RC Blue Falcon, and Jigglypuff was singing and practicing doodling.

“ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, IT’S TIME FOR THE TALENT SHOW!” the Announcer declared over the intercom. “TODAY WILL BE THE N64 TEAM!”

Lots of clapping and cheering from the other fighters and assist trophies.

Mario was up first, and he put on quite a show playing 12 instruments at once, hooked together with his plumbing skills.

DK got out his mic and called up the DK crew from the audience. This was his chance!

“So they’re finally here! Performing for you!”  
Booo!  
“If you know the words, you can join, in, too!”  
Hissss!  
“Put your hands together, if you wanna clap!”  
Fruit was flying.  
“As we take you through thisssss........”  
The microphone was corroded by fruit juice.  
“Aw, shucks, I didn’t even get to the chorus! That’s a new record, I guess.” DK muttered.

Link was up next, and he did, something. He just reached into his satchel and pulled out seemingly endless steaks and torches, much to the confusion of the audience.

Samus stepped up, and Waluigi obediently sat down in the chair. She charged a shot and knocked the apple off the hapless desk clerk’s head.

The Yoshis were up next, and they were singing in a choir the Yoshi’s Story theme. It was majestic.

Kirby just stepped up, spit out his entire room, took a bow, sucked it up, and left.

Fox flew his drone through a huge obstacle course, resulting in much cheering.

Pikachu powered a huge, flashy New Year’s light show, and quickly became a fan-favorite.

Luigi whipped out his DJ board and layed down his remix of Ghosts n’ Stuff. It was far out, man.

Ness made huge fireworks, breaking the ceiling down, and everyone cheered.

Captain Falcon raced his RC Blue Falcon through the audience, and gave it to his self-proclaimed biggest fan, Daisy, as a souvenir.

Finally it was Jigglypuff’s turn.

“Oh, no...” said someone in the audience.

She sang

Everyone fell asleep.

She doodled on their faces.

She left.

When everyone woke up, the Announcer was heard again.

“WHAT AN AMAZING DAY ONE AT THE TALENT SHOW! I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE AN AMAZING NEW YEAR! TOMORROW, IT WILL BE THE MEELEE CAST’S TURN!!!!!”


	12. The Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mewtwo wants a friend. Unfortunately, they have high standards.

_"Pichuuuu!"_   Pichu was knocked senseless.

"Foolish young rat. Do you think one with a child's power could befriend me?" Mewtwo gloated

Dr. Mario rushed in and recuperated the poor baby Pokemon.

* * *

The news was out. Mewtwo would befriend anyone that could outwit him in any way. Many have tried. None have succeeded.

"Oh! my back!" Lucina, and a few others, were being carried to Dr Mario's hospital on a stretcher.

It was breakfast time at the mansion, and Snake was contemplating trying the test.

"Ah you OK?" Terry worriedly exclaimed. "He could kill you!"

"It's nothing the greatest stealth operative in American history can't handle." declared Snake. "My tranq gun and cardboard box have this in the bag."

"Oookey..." Ness was a little worried about his personal hero.

* * *

That afternoon. Mewtwo was standing in a room, alone, like he had been the past few days.

He was expecting someone to have come by now, but he felt defeated. No one wanted to be his friend.

Suddenly-

"There!" David had evaded the Psychic-type's clairvoyance and knocked him out cold with a tranquilizer dart.

* * *

That night, Mewtwo woke up.

"Wha-what happened? Where am I?"

"You're in my helicopter, and I just knocked you out with my tranq gun."

"H-how is that even possible? You evaded my clarivoyance! I'm genuinely impressed!"

"All in a day's work for the greatest stealth operative in American history. Now, shall we be friends? I know something that we have in common - we are both clones, bred only for battle."

"You are too?! And, are you genetically enhanced, too?"

"No, but I am mechanically enhanced."

"Impossible! You, you are amazing. You know that. Hello, new friend."

Mewtwo reached out his slimy hand, and Snake proudly shook it.

"Welcome to America, Kantonian." Snake said with a smile.


	13. Valentine's Day (Ryu and Ike, others)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wanderer wishes for someone to wander with. It's Valentine's Day now, will someone fulfill it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just found love today! Sorry to not post for other holidays. Promise to cover the major ones from now on, and to post daily again like last summer.

Ryu was lonely.

He was the Eternal Wanderer, after all, but lately his old buddy Ken had been hanging out with the ladies and not talking to him. It was Valentine's Day, after all, and he just needed someone.

* * *

Ike was lonely too.

He wasn't much for romance, no, but his friends from the Greil Mercenaries were merely spirits, beings that couldn't be talked to. He once fought for them! And he hasn't seen them since Radiant Dawn, since the Author actually hasn't played many games and hasn't played Feh yet since his phone has too much space. He's currently working on a Mario 64 LP, so one of Ike's best buds (and everyone, for that matter) is AWOL!

* * *

Ryu was chosen for a fight. And so was Ike. They fought, and felt the heavy blows of fists and steel. It was a tough match, and the victor was Ryu.

"Get up, Ike!" Ryu looked grumpy, as usual, but this was a sad kind of grumpy. "Come 'ere. I got somethin' for you, homie." He gave Ike a melty Valentine's chocolate and a card. It seemed like he was carrying it all day looking for a buddy.

"Homie? I'm your homie?" Ike replied. "T-thanks, bro."

* * *

The bros gave each other a bear hug.

"See you at dinner. I'll sit at your table." Ryu smiled, for once.

**Author's Note:**

> I am relying on you guys to think of prompts, so please tell me if you have any, since I’m mostly good at romantic scenes, so I need you to think of most of my non romantic scenes for fluff


End file.
